“I am weathered but still elegant,…Don’t look down on me because I’m dark, darkened by the sun’s harsh rays. My brothers ridiculed me and sent me to work in the fields. They made me care for the face of the earth, but I had no time to care for my own face.” Song of Solomon 1: 5-6 (Msg)

I need to feel beautiful.

I need to know that not only are my insides pretty; but my outsides are too!

Do you think I’m weird?

You shouldn’t, because you need this as much as I do!

Our self-esteem, in part, hinges on whether or not we feel beautiful.

Ever notice on a day when you’re hair flopped or your jeans are too tight that you have to fight not to be cranky or sad? Maybe it has something to do with Eve and the whole sin/fall thing. To be honest, I’m not sure. We just need to find a way to not allow these externals to drive our internals!

In today’s verse, Song of Solomon 1:5, the bride says, “I am dark, but lovely.” Her dark skin in Old Testament times meant she had to spend her days in the fields working instead of having enough money to be able to be indoors. Today she’d say, “I am sunburned, but I’m still gorgeous!” Her skin isn’t perfect, but she’s still pretty.

Where does a girl get that type of confidence because I want it!

From her Love. Read Song of Solomon 1: 1 – 4; love allows her to see herself as beautiful no matter what is happening on the outside.

Let the truth of God’s luxuriant love empower you with true confidence that goes way beyond what our human eye can see. On good days and horrible ones as well, let’s quote the bride, “I am  lovely!”

Jesus, you see me as beautiful. I need to know it. Amen

Valentine’s Day is for giving, right? Join me today over at my friend’s Karen Ehman’s blog where I am giving away a special Valentine’s gift for the girl in your life!

I am so sorry my link on Wednesday didn’t work! For the free resources on dating and boundaries, just click on “freebies” on my site: www.LynnCowell.com.

Sitting down to have my normal time with Jesus, I needed some “extra”. Life can be hard for us mamas. I wrote in my journal “Jesus, water me. Fill me up; I’m doing a lot of pouring!” That’s what mamas do…we pour.

 Sensing that my “normal” wasn’t going to cut it, I had the thought to listen to a sermon. I had already had three people tell me that I needed this sermon. It was the day to do it.

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Are you looking for the perfect gift for the teen girl in your life that says, “You are valuable?”

Send her the “Revolutionary Love” bundle!

This bundle of love includes a signed copy of “His Revolutionary Love”, a CD message by Lynn as well as a “Revolutionary Love” t-shirt!

To place your order, just follow click “here” or go to:

http://shopp31.com/hisrevolutionarylovebundle.aspx.

Be sure to order today to insure a Valentine’s Day delivery!

I’m sharing an exciting excerpt today from the new book: Girls Uncovered: New Research on What America’s Sexual Culture Does to Young Women. 

When it comes to influencing children, parents have a number of advantages over peers, schools, churches, or even media. First, parents have been “connecting” with their girls since before birth. Parents have a unique relationship with their children that can help in communicating difficult topics. Remember, parents are with their children year after year. No one else is—not teachers, not youth workers, no one. In one sense, this long-term relationship earns parents the right to communicate values to their children. Further, parents can take into account their adolescent’s particular personality and sensitivities, as well as maturity—socially, emotionally, physically, and morally.

Unfortunately, there seems to be less communication between parents and their daughters about sexual issues than there used to be.[i] Don’t let that happen in your home. It is your job to make it happen. Studies also show that discussions about sexual issues between parent and child often do not take place until after the child has already begun having sex.[ii]

Communicate Family Standards

Family standards are very important. Young people often do not know we expect of them about sex and sometimes feel that they are getting mixed messages. For example, if their mothers discuss birth control, they may think that their mothers approve of their having sex. So it is important that parents be clear about their expectations. If they expect their child to be abstinent, they need to say this clearly.[iii]

Be clear and specific in your guidance. The following are a few suggestions to tell your daughter, and you can add your own. We could have added a hundred more to this list.

• Remaining a virgin until marriage is realistic, and it is the standard of our home.
• STIs are a big deal.
• Pregnancy is a big deal—it will change your life forever.
• We do not approve of contraceptives for you until you are married.
• Others may not tell you the truth. Teachers, websites, and books may assert that you can have sex without worry. We will always tell you the truth.
• Sex before marriage is sexist—it generally hurts the girl far more than it does the guy.
• The burden of setting the standards, therefore, falls on you. You must protect yourself to ensure your best chance of achieving your potential of health, hope, and happiness.
• We expect appropriate modesty.
• Parties with alcohol are off limits.
• It is never too late to abstain.
• Sex has a much deeper meaning than its mere physical act.
• You will never be alone. You will always have me/us!

Repeat…and Relax

After all this comes the really hard part. You can’t just dump this information on her and then move on. This message must be repeated—and repeated again. One study of teens and mothers showed that 73 percent of one group of mothers strongly agreed with the statement, “I have talked with my teen about sex,” while only 46 percent of the teens strongly agreed that “My mother has talked to me about sex.”[iv] This shouldn’t be a surprise. Authorities in parent-child communication emphasize the necessity of frequent repetition of your messages. They also emphasize, as we suggest above, that our messages contain valid information, delivered with clear expectations.[v]

These are some of the things you can do to help your daughter grow into the healthy, mature woman you both want her to be. And here is a final word: Relax. Your responsibility is great. So is your influence.

Excerpted with permission from Northfield Publishing from chapter ten of Girls Uncovered (Northfield Publishing, 2012) by Joe McIlhaney, Jr., MD, and Freda McKissic Bush, MD with Stan Guthrie. Dr. McIlhaney and Dr. Bush are board-certified obstetrician/gynecologists with daughters of their own.

I’m giving away a copy today of Girls Uncovered. To be entered in this give away, just click on comments below (or if you get this by email, head to my website @ www.LynnCowell.com and share if you have talked with your child about sex and if so, was it hard? I can’t wait to hear from you! I’ll share the winner of this terrific book Wednesday at the bottom of my Wednesday Wisdom Tip post.