You might be like me. You’ve gone to church for years. Prayed for years. Read your Bible for years. And some days, it feels like you have struggled with the same thing… for years. It might be a struggle no one even knows about.

If you were to spend some time getting to know me, you might get the wrong impression that I have it all together. Walking with Jesus for so many years has really helped me to get many areas of life under His control. I watch my words more than I did years ago. I am careful who I listen to and who I hang out with. I’m picky about how I spend my time and the things I invest in. The thing you might not pick up, though, is my struggle. My struggle with my thoughts.

 

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“God never subtracts from your life, only adds.” These were the words Pastor Kevin Gerald spoke at Code Orange Revival last week at my church, Elevation.

 

My heart has been mulling this over. What area does the Lord want to do a new work in my heart? What work might appear initially to appear like it is subtracting, but in reality will add to my life?

Jesus put his finger on selfishness.

See, I can be the one who is so accommodating on the outside: run my kids here, do this for that person, not minding dropping everything to help that one, but sometimes the outside doesn’t match the inside. Inside, I am grumbling; resenting my time and energy that is being given up. Secretly, I think it is my right to feel this way; a weird side of me that doesn’t want to give up the way I feel.

 

But Jesus nailed me. He sees the outside and the inside. It is not enough for Him that I am doing it right on the outside; He wants the inside right too.

 

Yes, for His glory, but once again, His glory is also for mine.

 

Somehow I have convinced myself that others don’t see the attitude of selfishness in my heart; but it’s not true. It is impossible to hide sin; it always oozes.

 

So today, He calls me to captivate everything negative thought (2 Corinthians 10:5)  that crosses my mind and not allow any negative word to escape my lips.

 

1 Peter 3:4 “Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” NIV

 

Lord, this seems so difficult, but I am ready for this “subtraction” so that you might add to my life today!

Today, I have a guest post with Ed Welch, author of the new book, “What Do You Think of Me? Why Do I Care?”.

 

An interview with Ed Welch, author of

What Do You Think of Me? Why Do I Care?

 

Peer pressure, codependency, shame, low self-esteem; these are just some of the words used to identify how people are controlled by others’ opinions. Why is it so important to be liked? Why is rejection so traumatic? Edward T. Welch’s insightful, biblical answers to these questions show that freedom from others’ opinions and genuine, loving relationships grow as we learn about ourselves, others, and God.  What Do You Think of Me? Why Do I Care?: Answers to the Big Questions in Life includes questions for individual or group study and is suitable for teenagers and young adults.

 

 

Q: What are some questions we can ask ourselves to determine if we are being too controlled by the opinions of others?    

 

The list is a long one here. Am I angry? hopeless? self-protective? afraid? ashamed? depressed? withdrawing? Do I lie to make myself look better? Do I try to attach myself to the celebrity or popular person with the hope of enhancing my own reputation?

 

Q: Can you explain the term “peer pressure” and what it really means?  

 

I don’t hear this word as much as I once did. It usually means that we are willing to do things we wouldn’t normally do as a way to be accepted by others. There is a good kind of peer pressure, when a youth group really wants to know Jesus better, but that’s not the way it usually happens. We have a lot of the Old Testament biographies in us, and in those cases when a person who belonged to God met a person who loved his or her idols, the follower of God started following the idols and not vice versa. Of course, in the age of the Spirit that can be different.

 

Q: You say that so much of life comes down to three questions. Can you tell us what they are and how we can find the answers to them?

 

The questions are Who is God? Who am I? and Who are you?  The answers can be a little difficult to discover. Most of us know the correct theological answers to these questions, but there are the correct ones and then there are the ones we really believe. That why the topic of the opinions of other people is so handy. It can surprise us with our REAL answers to those questions.

 

So what are some of the real answers?

 

Who is God? Picky, distant, nice but irrelevant.

 

Who am I? Needy, I must find an identity in myself – who I am and what I do? The problem is that God isn’t very relevant and other people don’t solve the problem because I am a never ending hole that is looking to others so I can feel okay about myself.

 

Who are you? A threat, a god.

 

If we use these three basic questions, the question about God tends to be irrelevant, which is at the very heart of the problem. The normal answer is, he loves me [but so what?]. Why doesn’t his love make that much difference? It’s because other people have become our substitute god. The only way that God’s love becomes relevant is for “Why do I care?” to become a confession, as in “Lord, why do I care so much about me and my desires?” That takes an ordinary desire [for approval, love, acceptance, belonging . . . ] that has grown to extraordinary proportions so that it is a ruling or even idolatrous desire, and it brings that desire back to being an ordinary one in which other people’s poor opinions can hurt us, but not control us.

 

And who are other people? We want to love them just a little more than be loved by them.

 

Q: You write a lot in your book about worship. Tell us why this is such an important theme and how it applies to the issue of people pleasing.

 

Worship seems like a once-a-Sunday thing, but Scripture puts life in either/or terms: either we love God or something else, we trust in God or something else, we bow down to God or something else. Bowing down or worshipping is a vivid and accurate way to describe what is always taking place in our hearts. The word control gets at it. What controls us is our god. What controls us is what we adore and worship.

 

Q: How can recognizing everyone in our lives—acquaintances, loved ones, friends and enemies—as FAMILY change our perspectives and the way we live with and think about others?

 

We can have wretched families that are more like enemies than families, but most of us are familiar with relationships in which we love people freely. We don’t have to put on airs, we are always wondering what they are thinking about us. Instead, we simply love and enjoy them. When we are interested, we are more interested in them than we are in what they think of us. That recognizable experience moves us toward a way out from this particular human struggle. At the end of the day, love God and love your neighbor is where we will find lots of answers.

 

About the Author: Edward T. Welch, M.Div., Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and faculty member at the Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation (CCEF). He has counseled for over twenty-five years and is the best-selling author of many books, including When People Are Big and God Is Small; Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave;Blame It on the Brain?; Depression: A Stubborn Darkness; Crossroads: A Step-by-Step Guide Away from Addiction;Running Scared: Fear, Worry and the God of Rest; and When I Am Afraid: A Step-by-Step Guide Away from Fear and Anxiety. He and his wife Sheri have two daughters, two sons-in-law and four grandchildren.

 

What Do You Think of Me? Why Do I Care?: Answers to the Big Questions of Life by Edward T. Welch by New Growth Press

Today, I’m giving away a copy of Mr. Welch’s book. Just leave a comment below to be entered to win. Here’s the question: do you think that when we care so much what others think that our children pick up on this and copy this themselves? If you’re too busy to comment, just say, “I’m in!” I’ll announce the winner on Wednesday!

 

Ephesians 3: 20 – 21 “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory, in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations for ever and ever! Amen.”

Just returning from breakfast with a friend, my mind is swirling. I really wish I wouldn’t have said that. Why didn’t you just listen? You can’t say anything wrong if you just listen! I wonder what she thinks about what I said. I wonder if she’ll tell our friends what I said. Oh why did I say that!  I’m wishing so badly this morning for do overs.

I’m guessing you too have experienced the wish for do overs before. Words you would take back. Places you wouldn’t go. Things you wished you hadn’t done. It seems to just come with the package of being human. It’s part of the package I really don’t like so well.

I could sit here and replay over and over again about what I said. Re-creating the conversation in my mind; I could pretend to change it all; say this and not say that. I could berate myself; telling me just how dumb I am for opening my mouth…again. The choice is mine spiral down further and further to a place where I feel terrible about myself or…

I could listen to Jesus speaking to me.

I could pick up my Bible and replace the thoughts in my head with the thoughts in his:

“I am able to do in you immeasurably more than you ask or imagine because of the power that is already at work within you. I want to bring glory to me through the remainder of this day; it’s not over! I am able; are you willing?”

I am! I see that there are still many more hours today to tap into His wisdom and strength. Not just for the remainder of this day, but for days to come.

Let’s have do overs and let’s begin it with Jesus! Jesus, today, I am desperate for this immeasurable power to work, then flow, through me. You are able; I am willing. Together let’s make a great pair!